Memo to my girls: If you EVER do this...

I am generally a pretty mellow person (or at least, that's how I hope I come across).  I'm kind of a "live and let live" girl.  I might not agree with your decisions, but it is completely in your right to make them.  I might talk about you to others, but I figure you will have to deal with the consequences, so it's not really my business.

BUT, there are certain things that get my blood boiling.  This topic came to me a week ago.  I seethed about it, initially opting not to write it.  I don't want this to become a venting place.  It's supposed to be reflections and anecdotes and positive mommy stuff.  I don't have a large readership, so what would be the point?  All I would do is annoy the readership I DO have.  Then I decided it needed to be blogged about because people needed to KNOW about the entitled idiots out there.  And I need to do everything in my power to make sure MY daughters don't do anything like and are smart enough to disassociate from those who do.

One of the moms on my message board shared this screen shot.

 

One of those people on her friend list who she knew from high school, but wasn't in touch with regularly, posted this at 3:00 am.  If you can't see it clearly, it's a picture of her dashboard, with the speedometer reading 105 mph.  The status is "This was probably not a good idea after drinking...oops!  lol".

So drinking, driving, speeding, taking pictures WHILE driving, and posting it proudly on Facebook.

I'm not sure what bothers me most.

The fact that she did it? Yeah, that bugs me.  But people do stupid stuff.  She just happened to do a lot of it all at once.

The fact that people LIKED it?  Seriously?  I mean, within an hour, she had three people LIKE this status and photo.  Who looks at that status and thinks "yeah, I like that!  Good for her!  Owning her DUI/racing/distracted driving!"

The conversation afterward?  I mean, seriously, as her friend is shocked about it (although she seems to only be concerned about getting pulled over, not killing anyone) she's responding "whatever.  Ur dad was not around so I'm good.  It was fun.  :-)" and  "cops know better :-) lol Im good."  (her spelling). 

All the LOL and emoticons?  It's no longer a problem!  See?  I'm smiling and laughing!

Sadly, probably not in this case.

The sense of entitlement she projects?  As if no cop would DARE to pull her over.  I mean, come on.  She's good.  Any cop can see that.  

Oh, it's you!  Never mind!  Continue on!

I just want to SCREAM at her how stupid and irresponsible she was.  Yes, it's 3:00 am and there probably weren't a lot of people on the road.  But I bet there were some.  What about the family rushing their sick child to the ER?  A woman in labor trying to make it to the hospital?  What about people who may work nights?  Heck, what about cab drivers trying to make the roads a LITTLE safer by driving other people home from the bars?

What about herself?  It's SO easy to lose control with all of those variables.  Really, would that fun night be worth it for her?  Hey, I'm paralyzed!  LOL!

OK, the night is over, she didn't kill anyone, she didn't kill herself.  So it's OK, right?  I should stop obsessing.

But I can't.  Something is still really bugging me about this, and it's that people like this EXIST.  They always have I suppose, but now they broadcast their lives on social media, so we're aware of it.

Someday, my girls will be driving teenagers, and then college students, and then 20 something single girls.  I mean, cell phones and Facebook will probably be obsolete, but I'm sure there will be something for young people who feel invincible to document their stupidity with.  

I'm not saying my girls will be perfect.  But I'd like to think that I'm raising them better than this.  I hope they will someday realize that if they EVER do something like this, all Hell would rain down on them from Adam and I.  And trust me, Adam was not an easy teenager.  We're not expecting perfection.  But doing things like this is a quick way to jeopardize and potentially wreck your health, your career, your permanent criminal record, your LIFE.  I don't care what it takes, we will somehow impress that line upon them. 

But now, another goal is to raise them to be savvy, and help them recognize people like this, so they can make sure to stay as far away as possible, no matter how popular they are.  These are the kind of people who tend to take other people down with them.  And THAT worries me.  Because there are a lot of people these days who think they are invincible.  And not only that, but they are entitled to do this kind of stuff, and get away with it. 

Thankfully we have eleven more years before Madison turns that frightening age of 13, and fourteen before we have to think about her driving.  So we have a while to figure it out.  But if the last two years are any indication, that time is going to fly by.  We'll need to deal with this before we know it, and that scares me!  I hope in eleven years I have the wisdom to handle all these situations.

In the meantime, I guess we are just more aware that people like this are out there, laughing about their recklessness.  And we make sure those car seats are installed well.

Be safe.

My message board friend has informed me that this girl has since removed the picture because of the negative response she got to it.  Maybe she's cursing her friends for being annoying.  Or maybe she actually got it.  If it's the latter, good for her.

Woo hoo, it's Friday!

 A few friends posted this on their walls this week.  It's definitely true!

In my case, I'm actually saying woo hoo today!  Adam left for Texas on Tuesday and he'll be home late tonight.  I don't know that I have EVER been so excited for him to come home from a trip.

It's not that the girls were exceptionally rough, but it's been a busy week.  The girls have both been hitting some awesome milestones and Madison in particular has demanded a LOT of attention.

Tuesday Adam was able to accompany us to Reagan's appointment on his way to the airport.  Thank goodness he was, because juggling the two of them would have definitely been a foreboding start to the week.

Madison is not a fan of doctor visits, probably because of her history.  Even when we make it very clear that we are not there for her, she still doesn't like them.  The ideal situation would have been for me to take Reagan and leave Madison home with Adam.  However, this particular office has had some absurd wait times, and because Adam had a plane to catch, we couldn't risk me not making it home in time.  So she came along, but Adam came too.  That way we could double team when I needed to hold Reagan for her x-ray and exam and Madison was acting like a two year old (because she IS a two year old, but still).

The other reason I needed back up was that Madison has decided that she does not wear diapers anymore.  This is actually exactly what I was hoping for.  We would facilitate her learning, and she would move into the next phase when she was ready.  Last week she would run around with no diaper, and was hitting the potty every time.  Since she was refusing diapers, we switched to underwear.

Which is GREAT.  I'm really proud of her and I'm happy she was truly ready...but...

Even with a kid who has decided to do it totally on her own, potty training is EXHAUSTING!!  I never realized exactly how many times a day my kid pees!  For the past week, we've been putting up stickers for remembering to pull down underwear (for some reason, having to teach that part didn't cross my mind) and staying clean and dry. 

In a perfect world, during the first week, you stay home.  For parents who do a more parent-led process, you can choose a week where that's possible.  You make sure they are really comfortable there before moving out to "new potties".  But I certainly wasn't going to tell Madison that it wasn't really convenient for me and she'd have to wear diapers, so we ended up taking our learning away from home much sooner, including three potty visits at the orthopedist (the last of which was during the 30 second that the doctor actually came into the room and told us Reagan's hips are fine).

We've also used the potty at Target, a Mexican restaurant, Great Grandma's, Gymboree, Kohl's, BJs and our friends'.  And unfortunately she's gone from making it 100% of the time at home to about 50% of the time out.  It's like once she has pants on she decides that no one can see an accident.

This has put a big damper on our errand running this week.  She's still too new at this, and although when we HAVE to go out I've had the pull up there as a back up, that seems like a crutch I don't want to rely on, and we've changed clothes a LOT in public restrooms, and therefore I'm trying to only go places that are either easy (a friend's house where I can let her run around in underwear and a shirt) or that we've already paid for (dance class and Gymboree).  I like to combine trips and errands and let Reagan take her morning naps in the car, and that just hasn't been possible this week.  And somehow it's frowned upon to leave to run errands during naptime or after bed with no adult in the house (go figure).

We actually haven't been home a TON more than usual, but it feels like more because 1) I don't have the option of tossing the girls in the car when they get fussy and going out for a change of scenery; 2) poor Reagan has been left abandoned several times while I dash to assist Madison 3) Reagan is now a completely stable sitter who loves to play with toys, and let's just say big sister isn't used to sharing with little sister, and doesn't care for it, which is making home playtime TONS of fun; and 4) I don't have that second adult to back me up or just give me a moment to focus on one girl or a moment for me (until bedtime of course!)

So we are VERY much looking forward to Adam's return this rainy Friday night!  I'm thrilled to have someone to share this vigilance with, and Madison has really been missing daddy.  In fact, she keeps telling me she's going up to see Daddy whenever she's mad at me and has been devastated to realize he's still gone.

TGIF!

The Almighty "THEY"

A few weeks ago I talked about my online mom group.  I gushed about how awesome they are and how having that group is really amazing for helping me through mommyhood.  That is all true.

Most of the time, we just talk about our lives.  Sometimes we ask questions and try to get advice, but more often that not we'll just write a little anecdote about our day, or vent about a meltdown (usually the toddler, not ours) or ask for good wishes on an interview, or something like that.  Occasionally someone will post something to get a good discussion going, and recently we had one of those topics.

The question was, "is there anything that you didn't or did do that "they" say you shouldn't?"

Responses came flooding in, and I found a lot of things really interesting.  Either what people felt was a "shouldn't" contradicted what someone else thought was a "shouldn't" or people felt incredibly guilty.  I've grouped them into two sections because I think there are some really interesting themes that emerged and deserved their own discussions.

(Names are omitted to protect the innocent...or guilty...or the realistic.  And yes, some of these are me.  No, generally speaking, I'm not telling you which.  I also polled some of my other mommy friends who aren't on this particular board.  So there are about 40 respondents included in this list from various places in my life - plenty of anonymity.  And by the way, I'm going to write these all as "I" because it flows better and that's how people responded.  Anonymity always present.  I'm there for you ladies....I'll take the judgment!).

CONFESSIONAL GROUP ONE:

• I switched to a forward facing carseat before two.
• I rear face after two.
• I stopped breast feeding before six months.
• I breast feed my 2 year old.
• My baby was a tummy sleeper.
• I didn't do the recommended amount of tummy time.
• I started baby food before 6 months.
• I started baby food after 6 months.
• I never cloth diapered.
• I cloth diaper.
• I did sleep training.
• I co-sleep/co-slept/lie with my baby until they fall asleep.
• I used the bumpers on the crib.
• I never used the bumpers, even after his/her feet got stuck in the rails every night.
• I used blankets early.
• My two year old is still in a sleep sack because I am afraid of blankets.
• I moved to a toddler bed before two.
• My two year old is still in a crib.
• I attachment parent.
• I let my baby sit in the bouncer/exersaucer/walker/jumper/playmat while I get things done.
• I give too much juice.
• I never give juice.
• I bathe every day even though I know you're not "supposed to".
• I only bathe twice a week.
• I've swatted my kids.
• I've been accused of being too "lovey dovey" in my discipline.
• I don't vaccinate.
• I pick and choose which vaccinations.
• I alternate schedule vaccinate.
• I just let them do the vaccines.
• I've never left my child with anyone not related.
• I had my child in daycare at 6 weeks/have a regular babysitter/have my child in daycare/preschool even though I'm not currently working.

I opened with these because I thought this group was fascinating.  Anyone else notice why?

EVERYTHING up there is a contradiction!  These are people's confessionals, which means that in order to be the ideal parent you need to switch from rear facing at exactly two, exclusively breast feed 6 months to a year, do tummy time but never let the baby sleep that way, start solids at exactly 6 months with just the right amount of correct liquid, have a perfect sleeper without sleep training or "assist" sleeping, and do the right level of attachment parenting/bathing/discipline.  Easy peasy, right?

CONFESSIONAL GROUP TWO:

• My baby still uses a pacifier.
• We watched TV before two.
• We play iPad/iPhone/video games.
• I don't read as much as you're supposed to.
• We eat fast food.
• I give them what they want so they'll eat SOMETHING instead of insisting they eat what I serve.
• I bribe my toddler.
• When they fall asleep in the car I let them stay there sleeping (people justified this one like crazy because everyone has different living/parking situations.  What one person thought was totally fine was a huge issue to someone else).

This is the group I like to think of as the "sanity" group.  Yes, ideally our kids would have happily given up the pacifier before 1, never seen TV until they turned two and then just a max of 30 minutes of screen time.  All food would be healthy food.  And the kids would consistently behave correctly from the intrinsic motivation of wanting to do the right things.  But our kids don't.  So we do what we have to do, whether it's TV, or fast food, or a lollipop for behaving in line at the DMV.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not making the call of what anyone thinks is OK and what isn't.  Everyone has their hard lines.  If you personally don't watch TV or eat fast food, chances are it'll never come up with your kid.  If you don't have a device to play games on, your kid won't play games.

What's interesting is that in the first group people didn't seem to feel really guilty about their choices.  They justified them, but they felt really confident in why they did what they did.  They made a parenting choice, even if it wasn't what felt like a "mainstream" choice or the current recommendation.

But that second group...justification was FLYING.  People felt SUPER guilty when the two year old knows what a drive thru is or can count with Dora in Spanish or knows more about the iPad than the parents.

That's why I call it the sanity group.  Anyone who knows me personally knows that at least two of those are mine.  Madison watches TV and watched it before two.  And she still uses her pacifier at bedtime.  I'll add a third personal confession:  she recognizes environmental print.  She knows when we pass a Dunkin Donuts and will say "Mommy needs coffee.  Ok?  And a donut?  Pleeeeeeease?"

I do these things because it just makes things easier.  I can get us organized for the day without a two year old underfoot because Mickey is on at 8:00.  Madison doesn't fight bedtime because she knows she'll get her "paci".  And her sleep deprived (although less lately) Mommy gets her caffeine and sugar fix.

Do I feel guilty about these things?  Sometimes.  But I will tell you that my kid is stinking smart.  She knows all her letters, numbers, colors, and shapes.  She can say certain words in Chinese, speaks in full paragraphs, can tell you what emotions both she and others are feeling, can identify musical instruments and terminology, and can retell a story.  Although some of that does come from me working with/playing with her, a LOT of that comes from her shows.  I might be a music teacher, but I haven't taught my kid "crescendo" or "harpsichord".  But she knows them.  Thanks, Mickey, Kai Lan, and of course, the Little Einsteins!

Depending on what mood Madison is in, she's "just like June" or "just like Quincy" or "just like Leo".  She's never Annie.  I have to be Annie.  I am ORDERED to sing while she conducts.

She might still have a pacifier at night, but she sleeps comfortably and happily in her crib.  Her dentist told me (unprovoked by the way) that we need to remember that the pacifier is being used by an ACTUAL child, not a theoretical one.  If a kid needs it for comfort and it's taken away before they are ready, they'll go to their thumb or fingers, and those are much harder habits to break.  Ideally he told me she'll gradually stop using it at night.  Hasn't impacted her speech or teeth at all (yet, knocking on wood for her teeth of course, but I think the fact that she isn't a 24/7 user helps).

Madison with "that plug" in her mouth.

 The other interesting thing that came out of this discussion seems a little more philosophical.

Who are "they"?

Is it our parents?  Or peers?  Our doctors?  The AAP?  The media?  Parenting books (and if so, which ones?)

Who are we feeling guilty about letting down or going against?

Notice, none of these things are horrible (some people who feel strongly might disagree with me on this, especially on certain things).  But I know all these women who responded, either personally or online, and I can tell you every SINGLE one of them is an awesome mom, doing the best she can day in and day out.

In the end, I respect every one of these women as a mother, no matter what choices they make, and whether or not they feel guilty.  We're all trying to survive the first years of motherhood and raise good, smart, kind human beings.

The guilt will never abate for any parent, but to me, doing what you need to do to stay happy and sane means you are doing just fine!

I am now qualified to solve all your problems

Are you amazed?  Astounded? 

About a week an a half ago I took the girls to the library.  It wasn't our regular storytime day, but I wanted to get out of the house, no one was available for playdates, and it's a free activity!  In a few months I'm sure I'll love it even more because I'll be able to trust Madison more.  Right now it can be a little stressful trying to make sure she doesn't unshelve an entire section of books, or rip a page with a  favorite character out of a book she found, or get into a tug of war over one particular car on the train table.

But this particular day happened to be very calm in the children's section.  There were no official activities going on at all, so there was only one other family in the children's section, Madison had discovered the dollhouse and was playing beautifully by herself, and Reagan was completely content to stay in the stroller and look around.  I decided to take advantage of this behavior and browse a few things.  First the CDs, since I want to update her music.  I picked out several (although you wouldn't know it, since we've been listening to ChooChoo Soul in the car every day since). 

After picking up some CDs I headed to the parent reference shelf.  Our library has a pretty good collection of parenting books, and I've definitely found some help there.  I was specifically looking for some potty training ideas (we are SO CLOSE...but not quite there and I refuse to do any hardcore training since it seems to backfire).  I also decided to look through a couple of sleep books to see if they had any good ideas for how to get a six month old on a better nap schedule without having to keep a toddler home all day (spoiler alert: those books do not exist).  While I was looking I found a few random things that interested me.  One of them was this book, and I was intrigued right away.

I've actually read two other books by this author (The Baby Whisperer and the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers), and although I don't agree with everything she suggests and her acronyms can drive me INSANE, I like a lot of her suggestions, she writes in a style that is very easy to read, and I like her British-isms.  They make me smile.  A British nanny makes me think of Mary Poppins, and I enjoy that.  If I'm going to read a childcare book, I want to like what I'm reading.  So I figured I'd try it for those reasons alone.

But I was also intrigued because of the title.  Really?  ALL my problems?  Napping?  Tantrums?  Distracted nursing? Sassy two year oldisms?  I read this book and my children become angels and my problems are solved immediately?  Or maybe before they even appear?

I don't want to get too down on it.  It's not a BAD book and once again, there are some good tips and things to try in there.  But the general format appears to be this:

1. Topic (let's say...napping).
2. Anecdote (a call, email, etc from a parent to her, she relays this story.  For example, my child used to be a fantastic napper and now he isn't!  How can I help him get the sleep he needs?  Then she'll write the story in paragraph form giving some history, the situation, and the details).
3. The thing that the parent did wrong that caused the problem to begin with (she wasn't in tune with her baby is what it usually boils down to).
4. Her magical advice that fixed it and made the parent feel like a complete loser. 

Obviously what I take issue with is number 3 (and by extension number 4) .  Yes, we all know that it's possible to give your child a bad habit.  She calls this "accidental parenting".  I really hope she was much nicer to the parents in person when she tells them how everything is pretty much their fault!  I realize that her exclamation points and "duh!" type attitude makes for a good read, but it just SMACKS of judgment.  It can feel unbelievably condescending.  It also makes you paranoid about every decision.  If I do this I am going to screw up everything and need weeks to get my child back on track.  But if I do this I'm going to screw them up in a different way.  But I tried her way and it isn't working for my kid.  Now what?  No one should read a book designed to be helpful and feel like a bad parent who screws up all the time. 

But what bothered me most is the title.  It's as if somehow the implication that if you read this book, your child should really be issue free.  So if your child is NOT issue free, it's because you didn't get it.  And I'm sorry, but I just don't think that's possible!  There is no silver bullet, there is no perfect child, there is no perfect parent.  Doesn't exist.  And although I realize that the title was probably given by the publisher not the author (although I'm sure she had to give approval), and was selected because it's catchy, the title is really what bugged me about the whole experience as I was reading it.  Because of that implication I mentioned before, the message gets lost.  Rather than:  The Baby Whisperer: Helpful Suggestions for Common Problems (the uncatchy but more accurate descriptive title) we get The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems...that you created in the first place.

At any rate, I have now read this book, so I am now qualified to solve all your parenting problems as well.  Here I go.

1. It's your fault.
2. Deal with it.
3. If you don't want to deal with it, hire someone for an extravagant expense (not this author, as she's now deceased, but I can't even imagine what she must have charged).  In exchange for money and a total cut down of your self esteem, you too can have the perfect child!

Hooray!  Time to write my book and start my empire!

What a week!

I have a few posts in the works, but nothing was feeling right, so I decided to go in another direction with a few ancedotes.  We had a big week last week!  We're into our new fall routine (because I need something to regulate me since I stopped working.  Plus we had some fun extras!  Instead of writing about any one topic in particular, I'll just touch on some of the cute things that happened!

MONDAY:

Was Madison's first dance class!  Seeing all those little girls in their dance outfits was just an overload of cuteness.  Madison was pretty excited, and kept telling me she wanted to be "just like June" (the Little Einsteins ballerina).  But upon putting on the tights she decided that "these socks are too tight" and it was really bugging her that she couldn't get them off. 

So stinking cute and ready to dance!

This was also a big deal for Mommy because it was our FIRST drop off class!  Obviously Madison has been to daycare, and had babysitters, and she spends most Sundays in the church nursery.  But this was our first experience where she was participating in an activity without me.  It seems like she is growing up SO FAST!!  I so desperately wanted to peek in on her...although I did get reassurance that she was in there several times (she has a distinctive cry!)  Afterward she came bolting out the door to me, which just made my heart melt.  But we've been talking about it all week, and although there were some tears the first day, she's very excited to go back!

TUESDAY:

This was our laundry adventure.  It also kicked off some travel for Adam, which looks like it'll be picking up a little over the next month.  He hasn't done any real substantial travel since Reagan was about a month old, which has really spoiled me.  We tag team bedtime almost every night, and I absolutely love it.  Madison is also pretty used to having him around.  She knows that "Daddy's working" during the day, but she also knows that she'll see him at breakfast and dinner and can peek into his office and say hello.  He also gets her up most mornings (I know, I know, I am REALLY spoiled).  She definitely missed having him around.  She kept running into his office to check for him when I'd remind her that he was at work, and finally determined that he must be golfing.

WEDNESDAY:

We had our first dentist visit!  I wish I had pictures, but unfortunately I was too busy holding down my screaming, sobbing toddler.  We tried to prepare her over the last few weeks, telling her all about the dentist and how he would count her teeth, and polish them up for her, and we practiced "open wide!" every night as we brushed teeth.  Of course, none of that seemed to matter.  We were at a pediatric dentist and the staff was wonderful, but the office still seemed pretty scary.  And the hygienist, while great, was trying to impress Madison with her fancy gloves, but to a kid who gets blood work done FAR more often that any toddler should, rubber glove = something unpleasant is about to happen.  The successful part of the story is that they did manage to do both her first cleaning, fluoride treatment and exam, I didn't get any flack about her bedtime pacifier habit, Madison perked right back up after getting her goodie bag, and we found out that Adam and her dentist are golfing buddies! 

Madison may have perked back up, but I tried to cram way too much into the morning.  We went from the dentist, to the library, to Gymboree.  By lunchtime both girls were totally melting down.  Note to self:  just because everything fits timewise doesn't mean it's a good idea.  Three activities in the morning is too many.  Lesson learned!

THURSDAY:

Daddy was home for morning wake up!  (Actually Daddy was home the night before, but anything after bedtime doesn't seem to count).  Madison was ridiculously excited to see him.

We started an art playgroup as well.  My good friend has really embraced her inner art/preschool teacher and does many projects with her two boys.  Since her oldest is now in preschool two mornings a week, she wanted to do something special with her almost two year old, but all the toddler art programs seem unreasonably expensive and didn't work with her schedule.  She talked to a few friends about some ideas, and art playgroup was born! 

We started by doing some outdoor painting with different textures.  The kids used sponges, loofahs, fly swatters, traditional paint brushes, and their hands.  They had a great time and painted for almost twenty-five minutes, which is very impressive for two year olds.  Afterward they ran off for a snack and some swingset play, but we had to run and make it to Reagan's 6 month appointment.

It's crazy how different my two girls are.  Madison was almost 17 lb at her 6 month appointment, but Reagan hasn't even hit 14 yet.  She is such a little peanut.  Madison was a pretty "stable" sitter.  She sat independently early, and was totally content to sit and play with toys within her reach.  Reagan can sit independently, but only for 30-60 seconds, because she twists and turns and leans to the side and attempts to stand up!  She's also a roller, which Madison was never into.  Madison rolled over about twice, proved she could do it, and then seemed to lose interest.  Reagan is a CRAZY roller.  Where I could have left Madison totally alone on the changing table for ages (no, don't worry, I didn't.  But I COULD have), Reagan has practically launched herself off WITH both my hands on her.  She tries to roll over in the bathtub. 

We love our pediatrician and had a good talk with him about that (bet he's wishing he didn't ask how she was sitting!).  It's so interesting to watch them grow and how their personalities make themselves known.  Long story short, Reagan is doing awesome.  I was really worried about her physical milestones when she was being treated for hip dysplasia, but it seems all that was unfounded!  I'll be happy when her x-ray is over with at the end of the month and I can stop worrying about her hips.

FRIDAY:

We had a pretty lazy day.  I think we were due!  We did go to the grocery store to pick up one ingredient for dinner, and that was an adventure!  Our Stop and Shop was doing their grand re-opening, so they were giving out "passports" at the entrance.  As you stopped by all the different parts of the store, you got your passport stamped (and a free sample of something), and at the end you turned in your passport for a reusable grocery bag and a coupon book.  So instead of just picking up cheese, we took our time and did the little scavenger hunt.  Madison was VERY impressed.  She had an apple slice, a cheese slice, a chicken tender, a piece of steak, two pieces of granola bar (shockingly, she couldn't tell the difference between Quaker and the store brand), a chunk of chocolate cake, a cup of juice, and some popcorn.  I think she'll be begging to accompany me on my grocery trips from now on. 

OH, and we found she does NOT like people dressed as characters.  Good to know.

Friday night I spent grocery shopping on my own.  Thanks to our little midday excursion, I was able to do even better with my coupons than usual!  I will reiterate that I am by no means an "extreme couponer", but I do make it a little game for myself and challenge myself to do better and better. 

SATURDAY/SUNDAY:

Mommy learned a valuable lesson:  if you have well routined kids, be VERY cautious of breaking the routine. 

We had a birthday party to attend at 2:00, and the party was about 25 minutes away.  Reagan usually wakes up from her nap around 2:00, and Madison has been taking even longer naps, usually up between 2:30 and 3.  So since we didn't want to miss too much of the party by arriving late, I tried putting the girls down early.  We went out so I could get Madison some bargain pjs at a Kohl's early bird sale, and on our way home I had pretty much convinced Madison that she was tired and it would be a GREAT idea to take an early nap.  She was agreeable enough, and was willing to go right into her crib....but then she didn't sleep well, or long.  I tried the same thing with Reagan...same issue.  Both girls are like machines.  Play/outings in the morning, lunch, naps, low key afternoon.  Luckily both girls managed to shake their crankiness during the car ride and we had a fabulous time celebrating yet another two year old!

We broke routine again coming home.  The girls were wiped out so we decided to skip baths, and just get them into pjs and into bed.  That worked pretty well (although Reagan had a harder time than she's been having), but since we had church this morning, Madison had a bath when she woke up since she was FILTHY from rolling down a hill 5 or 10 or 75 times, and she was completely thrown by that.  I think she had 15 tantrums from the time she woke up until we were in the car for church.

It's also really cute how attached she is to her family now.  We usually go to church as a family, but I had to work in the nursery today and neither Adam or I like sitting alone, so when I have nursery he'll take a Sunday off.  Today I knew I wanted to go to coffee hour and sign up for a few things, so he kept Reagan home to give me a fighting change of maneuvering around the hall.  Madison told me over and over in the car that "Reagan and Daddy are MISSING!!!"  She was very concerned.

After we got home and the girls ate and went down for their naps, I got what I call my "time off for good behavior".  Adam is trying very hard to plan his weekend activities to allow me at least a couple of hours to go off on my own.  That's a post in itself, but it was very appreciated.  I went shopping for pants.  I was unsuccessful.  I came home with three shirts for Madison.  That's a post in itself as well.

So that's what I was busy doing all week!  Is it any wonder I was in bed at 8:15 on Saturday night and was too tired to do any quality writing for the past five days?  I'm hoping that our new fall routine settles pretty quickly!  I'm having fun with it!

Adventures in Laundry

Laundry is never done in this house.  For a family of four, I feel like we produce a HUGE amount of laundry.  I do a load 5-6 days a week.  It's a pretty boring topic.  But today

Today I realized again just HOW lucky we are that we have a washer and dryer in our house.  There are plenty of families that don't have this privilege.  Ours is on our main floor, so Madison is now able to "help" with the laundry, by handing me clothes out of the basket to put in the washer, and then I hand her wet clothes to put in the dryer.

Unfortunately, one thing that absolutely does NOT fit in our washing machine is our comforter.  Trust me, I've tried.  We have a top loading machine and it just can't agitate.  So before we had kids, a few times a year on a Saturday I would bring the comforter to what seems to be the one laundromat in town.  It was actually kind of nice.  I'd wash and dry the comforter and spend the time sitting and reading with my iPod and a coffee.  It was kind of like forced relaxation.

After Madison, it got a little more complicated.  So I brought the comforter a little less frequently.  I either had to bring her along, or leave her home for a few hours.  Not a huge deal.  I mean, the girls have a dad at home of course, but if I'm going to take "time off", it kind of stinks to spend it in a laundromat. 

This was my first time washing it since Reagan came along.  6 months ago (and um, probably a while before that.  I don't remember).  Oops.  I'd been telling Adam the comforter needed to be washed for ages, but never got around to it.  But I'm having a productive few days, Adam is gone for a couple of days, we didn't have plans this morning, and I decided today I would attempt to bring TWO small children to our laundromat.  And here is that story.

The day started like this.  I really should have aborted the mission right then.

First, as Reagan napped, I packed up what we needed.  For a simple one item load of laundry in town I brought:

• the comforter
• detergent
• oxiclean
• quarters
• a double stroller
• purse
• the diaper bag, containing (among other things)
• diapers
• wipes
• crayons
• coloring book
• stickers
• Reagan's binkies
• teethers and tylenol
• sippy cup
• a multitude of snacks (goldfish, apple, craisins, fruit snacks, granola bar)
• a toy CD player

So after Reagan woke up from her morning nap, I vacuumed up the Rice Krispies, turned off Disney Jr, packed this ridiculous amount of stuff in the car, and off we went.

Getting into the laundromat was laughable.  I had to take out the stroller, load both girls, load the three bags (laundry, diaper, purse) and somehow try to push the stroller one handed while slinging a queen sized comforter over my shoulders.  But we made it in.  Madison started squirming around as I selected a machine, wanting desperately out of the stroller.  The reason would become clear in about a minute.

Both girls pooped practically simultaneously.  I knew someone did because I could smell something that was NOT fabric softener.  I suspected Reagan because she was grunting and smiling.  One sniff confirmed that.  But then I realized Madison did too because we're working on potty training, so she told me.  Her exact plea was "Get down, I poop!  Get down!"  She'd already pooped of course, but it was nice to have the update.

So clearly, we needed to find a bathroom.  Unfortunately, there was no public bathroom in the laundromat, and I didn't feel right about changing poop on the tables where people sort their clean laundry.  Luckily, it's a nice town where pretty much no one uses a laundromat (I have no idea how they stay in business), and it was totally empty, so I had absolutely no concern with leaving our washer unattended.

We headed over to Dunkin Donuts, a short stroller jaunt away.  I figured I could kill two birds and get a coffee, since Adam is away, and he is the coffee maker in this house.  I could have done it myself I guess, but I didn't get a chance this morning.  So I have to admit I didn't mind. 

Of course, we found in the bathroom that there was no changing table.  Reagan was fine on a receiving blanket on the floor, but Madison was VERY upset about being on the floor.  I ended up bribing her with a munchkin and apple juice.  I spun tales of this magical circle shaped cake made of CHOCOLATE, and she was intrigued enough to let me change her.

(Side note:  I have found many, many places to be stroller unfriendly, and this particular Dunkin Donuts was one of them.  They must anticipate lines of 50+ with their theme park like line dividers, which I had no hope of navigating, since they'd be tight for a normal person to stand.  There was also a very small foyer between the two sets of doors, so small that I couldn't fit the stroller into it to try and open the second door as I maneuvered through.  And no, no one offered to hold either door.  I'm pretty stroller savvy these days, so we handled it, but it was NOT the easiest.)

After the great change/coffee/munchkin visit, I decided to do a couple of quick errands within walking distance instead of returning right to the laundromat.  I stopped at the bank, CVS, Staples, and the dollar store (for play doh and bingo dabbers of course!).  Then we headed back to check on things in the laundromat.

I switched the comforter to the dryer, but quickly realized that waiting the full hour was NOT happening.  So we turned the stroller right around and walked down the other side of the street.  We stopped at the Chinese restaurant (which is notated in my phone as "cheap chinese" as opposed to "good chinese" which unfortunately closed) and picked up some lunch, then at another store, where Reagan helped hold mommy's purchases for later.

I'm helpful!

Of course, route 10 is not the most conducive for walking.  The sidewalk stops and starts, sometimes totally randomly, which means that you either have to try walking on the grass in a double stroller, or sometimes, when the sidewalk not only disappears but ends up turning into this cute little landscaped area, forcing people to either tramp over the little garden, or, if they are pushing a double stroller, crossing their fingers and venturing onto the side of the street.  When the sidewalks ARE present, every driveway is punctuated with a MAJOR curb.  It was definitely an adventure.

Having finished our errands, and being on a stretch of road not intended for walking, we really had no choice but to wait out the last half hour and eat our lunch in the laundromat.  Reagan was behaving like a perfect angel, but Madison was definitely ready to be out of the stroller,  Since I was pleased with the morning, so far, I asked if she wanted to sit in one of the "big girl" chairs in the waiting area to eat her lunch instead of the stroller.

One calm, one crazy.

Holy tornado.

Madison ate about 3 bites of dumpling and proceeded to TEAR around the waiting area, spinning in circles, darting from washer to washer, climbing on the chairs, climbing in and out of her stroller, swinging from the light fixtures....ok, I made that one up.  But honestly, it wasn't a stretch.  Thank GOODNESS we were the only people in there.  Had there been anyone else there, I would have put her back in the stroller before she started strewing clothes everywhere.  The woman managing the desk actually looked over and asked "what did you feed her??"  I tried to interest her in watching our dryer, but she had no interest (can you really blame her?)  I tried to get her into coloring or stickers...nope.  I have not seen her like that in ages.

Our dryer finished, I loaded the car and we headed home.  Reagan, who had been lovely for two plus hours, reached the end of her rope and cried the whole way home.  Madison was sad that her indoor playground time had ended and told me how sad she was.

Fortunately once we got home, both girls were ready for long naps, and I was able to get the car unloaded, the bed made, and some cleaning done.  So it ended up a productive day after all.

Things I learned today.

1) I would HATE to be in a wheelchair.  Although some places are very easily accessible, I experienced a lot of narrow, manual doors with small foyers leading to another narrow manual door.  Sidewalks were hit or miss, and the curbs were crazy. 

2) I am SO grateful that this is not an excursion we have to do more than once in a while.  I realize not everyone is lucky enough to have their own washer/dryer.  I don't know how we would manage to do five loads of laundry a week if I had to go out to do it every time, especially with two little girls in tow.

3) After a long stroller ride, Madison needs a LARGE space to decompress in.

4) Once we finally get the new comforter that I've been yearning for, we will look at ones with removable covers that will fit in our top loading washer.  Because as fun as today was, I have to admit that I won't be excited to do it again...for at least another couple of months!

Happy Grandparents Day!

Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present and future.
- Gail Lumet Buckley

I was blessed as a kid to have four wonderful grandparents.  I was especially blessed that all four grandparents were there to see me get married.  And I was unbelievably blessed that I turned 30 and still had four living grandparents.

Although I don't have four living grandparents anymore, I know how incredibly lucky I was to have that generation in my life for as long as I did.  I loved visiting with them, being at their houses and hearing their stories. 

My girls are lucky as well.  They have four grandparents who absolutely adore them.  Their grandparents clamor to visit, they happily babysit (and sometimes encourage us to go out so they CAN babysit!), they spoil the girls with clothes and toys and experiences.  And they do it as grandparents should...out of love with no strings attached (except maybe some visiting time!)

GRANDPARENTS
Grandparents bestow upon their grandchildren
The strength and wisdom that time
And experience have given them.
Grandchildren bless their Grandparents
With a youthful vitality and innocence
That help them stay young at heart forever.
Together they create a chain of love
Linking the past with the future.
The chain may lengthen,
But it will never part...
~Author Unknown~

The girls are lucky as well to have three GREAT grandmothers in addition to their grandparents.  As I look at the pictures of these little girls with our grandmothers, I get teary thinking of how blessed we are, linking four generations of family.

Madison with Gram and Gramps - 1st birthday

Reagan with Gram - 2 weeks old

Reagan with Great Grammy - 2 weeks old

Madison with Great Grammy - 1 week old

Reagan with Great Grandma Josephine (her namesake)

Madison with Great Grandpop

Madison with Gram - 2 weeks old

Madison with Gramps - 2 weeks old

Madison with Grandpa - 1 month old

Madison with Great Grandma Cathie - 3 weeks old

Madison with Great Grandma Josephine - 2 weeks old

Reagan with Gramps - 1 day old

Madison with Daddy, Grandma and Great Grandma Cathie - 5 months

Madison with Grandma and Grandpa - 1 year

Great Grandma Cathie with Reagan - 1 month old

 I have wonderful memories of time spent with all my grandparents.  I'm so happy my girls will have that as well.

Happy Grandparents Day to all the grandparents in my little girls' lives...

Gram, Gramps, Grandma, Grandpa, Great Grandma Jo, Great Grandma Cathie and Great Grammy

We are lucky to have you!

 

Helpful or Hurtful?

The title should probably read "Helpful or Judgmental?"  Because I'm talking about advice.  The advice we give and the advice we get, whether we want it or not.

I'm you're a regular reader, you know that my sister just had a baby.  Over the past few months, she's asked me questions, like what kind of breast pump she should get, or how the organize the changing table, or what to bring to the hospital for labor.  (By the way, the answers are: clearly not the one I recommended, since it broke the second time she used it; it doesn't matter because you'll re-do depending on how your baby is on the changing table; doesn't matter because you were barely there long enough to give birth). 

Since my brand new niece's hasty arrival, the questions have moved to topics like nursing, sleeping patterns and first baths.  I'm happy to talk with her and share in these first squishy newborn weeks, especially since I probably won't experience them for myself again.  And parenting is a job where you feel totally and completely unprepared when they send you home with this teeny tiny baby.  You've got to learn as you go and hope the mistakes you'll inevitably make are little ones.  I want to help, but I don't want to smother or insult.  So I'm treading carefully.

I'm treading carefully because giving advice can be a tricky thing.  Getting it isn't always a picnic either.  Someone telling you what you should be doing, especially with something that you are so personally and deeply invested in, is like someone telling you you're not doing a good job.  And I think that's a fear that every parent has in there somewhere.  I'm responsible for this person and I can't even get you to stop crying.  Or eat the right food.  Or play nicely.  Why can't I do this?

There are times I've been really offended by advice.  Sometimes it's totally unsolicited stranger advice, like the other day in Babies R Us.  We were in an endless line, behind someone with - no lie - FOUR CARTS full of merchandise, when a total stranger peered in at my crying 6 month old, who was tired and hungry, and my whining 2 year old, who was trying to grab everything within reach, and said "You know, I really find it's better to run errands by myself.  My kids are so much happier and I never have to worry about trying to calm their crying in public.  You should try it!"  (Insert big bright "I am so much better than you are smile").   I probably should have said a lot of things, but I did the fake smile back with a "wouldn't that be nice" type of non-response.  Then God smiled at me and another register opened and I escaped.  I've had people tell me about their annoyance with that kind of advice ALL the time.

But I'm also sometimes annoyed by advice that is given with the best of intentions (at least I hope so).  Like when I post a joke type vent on Facebook and I get tips on toddler behavior management or infant sleep and I feel like the people who comment think I'm a totally incompetent parent.  Or when I ask a question, and I get preached to about the right way to do something, because in their opinion, that's the only way.

The worst is when I realize that I've hurt, or annoyed, or offended someone, because I KNOW I have the best intentions.  There are at least three instances where someone has been deeply offended.  The kicker is for two of those times for sure (and I think all three), my advice wasn't unsolicited.  I was asked.  And by answering, I made things worse for that parent.

This is how my advice sounds in my head as the one giving it: "Oh my God, I completely get it.  My kids did that too.  I was completely tearing my hair out and I tried sixty different things and read five books and researched online and then I happened to stumble on this one thing and it worked!!  So skip the ninety-two things I tried that didn't work and just do this!  It saved my sanity!"

But this is how advice can sound when I receive it: "Oh my God, I can't believe you are dealing with that.  I wonder why your kid is so awful?  Did you do something to create that problem?  Or is your kid just a lemon?  So sorry they are so screwed up...well, look, my kid is awesome, and this is what I do.  So it must be the right way."

Because when someone asks for parenting help, what they are really asking is "This is normal, right?  My kid is normal?  Just tell me that it's not me.  And that my kid and I are fine".  They don't want to hear it's a phase they'll have to wait out.  They don't want to hear that there's something totally obvious they were too stupid to try.  They want to hear your experience, and what worked.  And more importantly, I think people occasionally want to hear your "failures" and what didn't work, so they feel a kinship.  Once that happens, most people, and definitely me, are willing to try something new.  It may not work for everyone, but it's worth a shot.

Sometimes getting advice is like getting a gift that just isn't what you need.  It's clothes you'll need to return, or a knick knacky thing (that inevitably you'll have to put away because you have small children).  It just isn't right and you wonder if that person really understands who you are.  The gift you need is that single flower.  That says I care.  You're doing OK.  I'm here.  It's not a full showy bouquet that doesn't give you any substance and overwhelms you.  It's the single stem that you can look at, smile, and get encouraged to try just one more trick.  Because that little experience, that one flower, just might do it.

I'm still treading carefully around new parents.  Because now having two kids, and being around many, many babies and toddlers over the last two years, I know that every kid is different and every parent is doing their best.  I felt like a first time mom all over again when I had Reagan, and I thought that I'd be at least a little competent. 

So my goal is to be encouraging when I can.  Offer the single flower.  And when I get the gift that isn't right, smile, listen, think the best of the intentions, and keep trying to raise my girls the best I can.

"I'm not drunk, and the children are still alive"

I had another topic in mind and a post half written...but this just needed to be shared.

(By the way, I am keeping the identity of this particular mom under wraps.  Of my few dedicated readers, I'm sure some of you can figure it out.  But I'm blogging without telling her first, so I feel like I should keep it anonymous!)

My best friend called me tonight when I was visiting my sister and her new baby, so I didn't pick up.  We had already talked twice today, but sometimes we call each other just to share quick things that make us laugh. It wasn't until after I was home and the girls were in bed that I got a chance to listen to her voice mail.  She said that when her husband got home, he asked how her day was, and she responded:

"I'm not drunk, and the children are still alive".

Unsaid: Because I SHOULD be, and they SHOULDN'T be.

Speaks volumes about how HER day was.

I could definitely relate.  Although my day wasn't quite to THAT level, one of the first things I said this morning was "you are not leaving this kitchen until you pick up ALL your pancakes from the floor" (while literally setting up a barrier and having to goaltend against a stubborn and determined two year old) and my day ended with washing poop off a six month old's hands and saying to Madison "we can put on your pajama pants the easy way or the hard way" (she chose the hard way).  I finally finished cleaning up the breakfast dishes at 8:00 tonight.

Yeah, all moms, both those who stay home and those who work, have days like that.  But one of the reasons her experiences always resonate a little more strongly with me is because in a lot of ways, when I look at what she's dealing with, I'm looking a year into the future.  She also has two kids who are 18 months apart.  So I'm often looking at her thinking...ok, so I'll be dealing with THAT soon.  In fact, she was the first person I called when I found out Reagan was on the way.  I believe I opened the conversation with "tell me it's going to be OK".

Two kids close together in age has definite ups and downs, and those ups and downs seem to change often as the kids go through their developmental stages.  In the beginning it was REALLY tough.  Right now, I'm actually in a pretty good place.  Reagan is SO amused by Madison, and I can buy some time to finish dinner or run to the bathroom by saying "Madison, make faces at Reagan!" or "Can you find Reagan's bink and give it to her?", and Madison WILL.  The girls don't play "together" per se, but they can both play independently now.  They go to bed and get up for the day at about the same time.

There are tricky parts.  Yes, I still have two in diapers, two who can't get into their own carseats, one who needs to be carried place to place (and one who WANTS to be carried place to place).  Yes, they both nap, but one of them (cough, Reagan) is NOT a good napper yet.  Still, I get at least 30 minutes in the middle of the day. 

There are great things to look forward to.  When they both eat the same food.  When they can play together.  When they're both on the same schedule.  When they end up super close as everyone seems to assure me they will.  They're already off the a great start.

But before that happens, a little over a year into the future, I will have TWO toddlers...3 and 18 months.  If rumors can be believed, one will be in a very whiny phase, and one will be just entering the trying toddler years, getting into EVERYTHING with the tantrums and tears.

And I'm sure someday someone will ask me how the day was, when I've been putting children in time out all day and saying things like "we do NOT play drums on people's heads!"

And I might sigh and say, "Well, I'm not drunk and the children are still alive".

Anonymous friend, this one is for you.

Change of Plans

I'm not talking about the big things that change when you have kids.  You'd have to be in serious denial or exceptionally naive to think that your life stays the same.  I'm also not suggesting you also should plan to lose yourself completely.  You become a little more parents and a little less you of course, and the focus of your life does change, whether you think you prepared for it or not.  But this post isn't about that. 

This post is about the moments where you have to say "oh well" and move on to what the kids need, whether you want to or not.  Not because they are in charge or rule the house, but because it's the right thing to do.

I've already touched on this phenomenon in a couple of other posts, like the household takeover and my career path.  But this one follows more along the lines of a mundane day where nothing goes as you've planned.

Adam and I have had a stressful couple of weeks with some work we had done to the exterior of the house, refinancing the house (where absolutely every snag that can be hit has been hit), and some big job stress for him.  He took off this past Thursday and Friday, with the intention of making it a 5 day holiday weekend to play golf.  We carved out a couple of specific times to hang out as a family, but primarily he wanted to play golf, and I am totally fine with that.  A less stressed Adam is a happier Adam.  I planned on taking the girls to the pool in the afternoons, since Monday is the last day the pool is open, and Madison is FINALLY not scared of the water!  He can meet us there after his round and help me out while we enjoy the pool.

We DID know that my sister was probably going to have her baby this weekend, so he planned on being a little flexible with his tee times to allow me to visit her and my first niece in the hospital.  No problem.  Unfortunately the girls had other plans.

It started when Madison came down with what we think was a mild case of hand/foot/mouth on Wednesday afternoon.  She's had it before, so we recognized the symptoms.  Instead of having a normal day on Thursday and going to the pool, we laid low around the house.  Adam did manage to get out to golf.  Over dinner, we decided we'd play Friday morning (one of our designated "family times") by ear.

Madison wasn't feverish but was pretty cranky of Friday morning, so we decided to stay home.  I exchanged some texts with my sister over breakfast, and was pretty sure the baby would be born in the next day or so (although I had NO idea how quickly!).  Adam asked several times if I minded him going that day, since he knew Madison was still cranky.  But I reminded him that I'd probably be leaving him with the girls one of the next two days to visit the baby and I wanted to make sure he got his relaxation time in.  I did sneak out to grocery shop and he mentioned that Reagan was clingy and fussy.  But he doesn't often have her alone, so we chalked it up to that, and teething, which I feel like she's been dealing with for months.  As he headed out the door around lunchtime, he asked AGAIN if I minded, and I assured him I didn't.

I sent Janine another text as soon as the girls were asleep and was shocked to learn that she'd already had her baby in VERY dramatic fashion (talk about change of plans!).  When Adam got home that night with a fresh tee time for the next day I told him I planned on heading to the hospital the following morning.  After some talk during dinner, we decided that I would bring the girls to his parents' house instead of leaving them home with Adam.  It was on the way to the hospital, assured me that I wouldn't have to rush OR be away from my nursing baby too long, and allowed them to see their granddaughters.  Madison seemed better, so I could pick them up, have them nap in the car on the way home, and we would meet him at the pool later that afternoon.  Madison was excited to see Grandma and Grandpa, and we planned out the timing and what we needed to do to prepare for our day. 

Then plans changed.

At Reagan's 3:00 am wakeup, I thought she felt warm.  She'd gone to bed early the previous night, but seemed happy, and just tired.  At 3:00 she was acting fine, but she just felt HOT.  Now for reasons unknown, although I'm sure it made sense when we decided it, we had turned off the a/c Thursday night and kept it off throughout the 95 degree Friday, and the house was hot.  I chalked it up to that.  Oh, and, um, my own stupidity about how to work a thermometer (hint: turn it on).  She ate and went back to sleep.  At 7:00 when Adam got up with her this morning he mentioned she felt warm.  Reagan runs hot, and I thought I'd already taken her temp, so I said she was fine, but to humor him, I took it again.  103.2.  Whoops.

Clearly, I was not leaving one newly sick and one recovering child with my mother in the law.  And naturally, this fever spiked up at the very beginning of the holiday weekend, so I wanted to get her checked out.  So instead of heading off to visit new babies, see grandparents and play golf, we had to change our plans.  I headed off to the pediatrician with Reagan, and Adam took Madison out.

Since the pediatrician assured me that Reagan just had a virus, and Madison seemed better we adjusted our plans.  Adam stayed home while I did a quick trip to see my sister and the baby.  But it was a "nobody wins" situation.  I rushed my visit more than I'd have liked to.  Adam didn't golf.  Reagan felt lousy and didn't have her mommy.  And Madison played inside at home instead of seeing her grandparents and swimming.  We decided that with TWO sick girls we needed to spend the rest of the weekend staying home and low key, so we canceled a Labor Day cookout with my parents on Monday, which was disappointing as well.

Were we happy?  Maybe not.  But it is what it is.  When you have kids, you need to be prepared to change your plans as necessary and put their needs in front of your own wants, even if it means disappointing friends, parents, grandparents, yourself.  Could we have pressed on with our plans?  Sure.  But it wasn't the right choice.  One of the main mommy lessons I've learned is that flexibility is key.

And little Katie Elizabeth, 36 hours old, has already taught her parents that with her drama filled delivery that didn't follow a single one of their expectations.  I'm sure she'll be hard at work transforming Janine into Mommy before long.