Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Relationship Chicken

Adam's traveling this week, which means my meal plan sort of takes a nosedive. Normally, I like to plan out each night, make sure we spread out chicken, beef, pork, fish, pasta, whatever. I make sure that our busy evenings are crock pot days and I plan my grocery shopping accordingly.

When Adam's not around, that sort of fizzles. Reagan is still in her "I don't eat dinner" phase, and it isn't quite worth it to make a full meal for one four year old and me - especially when Adam won't be around to eat leftovers for lunch.

So today, before I went out for my weekly babysitter time, I asked Madison what she wanted tonight, figuring that if we didn't have it, I could easily run into Stop and Shop. She requested "dinosaur nuggets" and mashed potato, and that's easy enough. Done.

While at Stop and Shop I ran into a guy who I couldn't help but stalk a little. Because he was clutching a list and calling (I assume) his wife while in every aisle.

Not exaggerating.

Hi Honey, just looking at the list. What kind of oranges should I get?

Hey, me again. Oven roasted turkey or smoked turkey?

Do you want regular cheddar or extra sharp?

Chicken thighs or breasts? Small pack or big pack? Purdue or store brand?

I am not exaggerating at all. In the small time I followed him from produce toward the deli and back along the meat and dairy, he called her six times. Six. And this was clearly the beginning of his trip.

I almost tapped him on the shoulder before I veered off to frozen food and suggested that he just keep her on the line. I mean, all this redialing was wasting valuable question time.

First I was pretty annoyed by him. I mean, seriously, are you really that helpless? Is this your first time handling food ever? Can you really not make it through a shopping list without needing validation for every item?

Then I was kind of annoyed by this phantom wife (or girlfriend, or mother, or fiancee, or whoever it was). I mean, seriously, are you that controlling? Would you really throw a fit if he came home with the sharp cheddar instead of the extra sharp cheddar? The roasted turkey instead of the smoked turkey? Why is this guy so terrified of making a decision?

And then...

I had a thought. They're playing relationship chicken.

Her: If you really want to help me out, you could do the shopping.

Him: Ok, but you'll need to give me a list.

And then he went to the store and these thoughts happened ....

Him: Ugh, this shopping is so freaking annoying. I hate grocery shopping. Hey....maybe if I call her and act totally clueless I'll annoy her enough where she won't ask me to do this again.

Her: OH. MY. GOD. STOP EFFING CALLING ME. You are a smart man, I know you can handle this. I don't care if you call me seventy-five times I am NOT letting you get out of this. 

Him: WHY IS SHE STILL BEING NICE??? Why isn't she telling me to just forget it? 


Him: I'm totally not using the coupons.

Her: If he doesn't use the damn coupons I'm sending him back. Even though I forget all the time too.

Relationship chicken.

Who will cave first? Who admits defeat?

And most importantly...

Who gets to do the shopping next time?

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