Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Shaking Myself Free Again

I have been in a slump lately.

It's not really a noticeable slump. If you know me, you really won't see a difference. I'm getting the girls to where they need to be, on time, correctly dressed, and with the right bags and gear for where they're going. Our bills are paid. The car has gas. I'm chatty and friendly and look totally fine.

But at home? Slump. I'm not sure if it's the weather, or some sort of bug, but when I'm at home, I'm a lazy coconut. Way less meal prep, school prep, cleaning and organizing than I'd normally like to do. I get the essentials taken care of, and then I sit down, and before I know it, the day is gone.

I'm tired and going to bed early. I'm tired and waking up late. I'm not writing as much as I'd like - I write what I absolutely have to and that's all. I'm behind in cleaning - we're not living in filth, but we're certainly not guest ready at any moment. Madison is doing school, but it's bare bones and last minute. I make lists and plans and keep promising myself that I'll start tomorrow...and I don't. It's a genuine slump.

I don't know the cause - no illness, no life changes, nothing that should be sapping my drive. I'm not depressed, or cranky, or sick - I'm just that sort of tired that comes from laziness. I've been blaming this dreary start to spring - we get a tease of a sunny, spring day and then fall right back into chilly clouds and rain. And now that I think of it, that's exactly what my mood is doing. I get a false start when I feel like I have my old drive back, and then I go back to slumping. I watch TV and I read books and I take bubble baths and I go to bed early.

Yesterday I had to force myself out, because I noticed that Madison was starting to pick up on those habits. She was whining and moaning about doing the very little school work that I had out for her. She was too tired. She would do extra tomorrow. Today, she just wanted to snuggle and read.

I had allowed our end of winter laziness to become a way of life. I was letting things pile up, claiming that I'd get over them soon, and now she was doing the same, because her prime example was showing her it was ok. She was becoming short tempered when she HAD to get things done - just like her mom. We needed to break out.

So, after school yesterday morning, I offered to take her out to lunch. We grabbed sushi, and we talked about habits. We talked about everything I just wrote, and how when you let yourself get bogged down into a slump, breaking back out can feel hard and exhausting. But if I had energy out of the house, and she had energy to dance and tumble, then we had energy to get ourselves back into a good place at home. As we ate our miso soup and sushi rolls, we talked strategy. What kind of work we needed to do daily, what would help us along, and what treats we'd offer ourselves to help sweeten the transition.

I tell you, nothing shakes you free like noticing you have a shadow, and that shadow is showing you what you are and what you'd like to be.

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