Saying goodbye might be melancholy, but when you're moving toward something better, it's not hard to get over. I may have gotten misty as I cleaned out that old car for the last time, but I really didn't stress about it for too long. I was too excited, and too ready for a car that didn't smell like ten years of mess.
There's something so NICE about new, isn't there? Yeah, a car is a big one, and that morning we spent at the dealership picking it up had me all smiles, but it doesn't take a huge, 60 month financing decision to do that.
I love the feel of a new notebook or journal. All the pages are crisp and unblemished. No coffee drips, no weird folds from being stuffed into a bag. Just pages and pages to imagine myself as an organized, thoughtful person who has lists and time and is ready to doodle or write.
I love a new bag. No crumbs or pen stains, no receipts crumpled at the bottom or scuff marks on the letter. I get a new bag and place things in it so carefully, making sure not to overstuff it, but making sure it has everything I'll need in an easy to locate way.
New clothes. Unstained, unstretched, and perfect for whatever I purchased them for. Fresh looks, good fits, and I look put together.
New. No stains or spots or blemishes. Clean. Fresh. Shiny. Crisp. Full of possibility of who I really am, who I can be. A good housekeeper, an organized woman, someone who looks put together. This person doesn't have starchy pasta water spots on her stove from overboiling. She doesn't have coffee stains on her jeans. She doesn't have crumbs in her purse, or papers exploding from an overstuffed bag. She doesn't misplace things or clean frantically when someone calls to say they're "popping over to borrow something".
She has a clean bathroom to relax in with a fresh book that she'll finish before the cover is bent. She has crisp coloring books, because the meditative relaxation that comes with coloring is important to her, and much better for her psyche than playing endless games of Yahtzee on her phone.
So what is new to me? It's the girl I mean to be.
And for that little bit, while it still looks new, that I AM that girl that I mean to be.
